meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
