At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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