they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
