id be glad to
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
this is an emotional support booty call
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