is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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