Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
