At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
