I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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