You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
