It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
