apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
