Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
