and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
