I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
