The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
