I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
