so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
