dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
