During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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