i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
high people should be assigned attendants
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
