I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
