one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
