Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
