planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
