Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
