At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
