Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
