so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
