i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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