nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
