Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
