Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
