Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
