I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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