Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
