I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
