She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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