Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
