Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
