Barsexuality is the new black.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
