In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
His nipple licking is glorious
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