I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
