She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
