Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
