puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
