The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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