I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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