I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize