oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
