Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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