I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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