When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
