Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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