im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
