apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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