Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
