it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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