I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
