I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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