You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
