The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
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