Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
