I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just invented taco cereal.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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