The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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