The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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