I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
