When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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