my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize