I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
