The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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