You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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