Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
