At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
