God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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