There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
