you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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