i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
