last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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